7Up, Ellen, Surprise Money, Sushi and Soulmates

Usually this time of year, summer is beaming down its promise on me. The promise of so much time to write and to follow my rhythms. Not this year, though. Everything feels askew, with my father gone two months and my mom suffering in the hospital. Today I brought her 7-Up and slip-on shoes and magazines. When I walked in the door she said, "It's sure good to see you." (Funny, she never said that when I was a teenager!)

We walked together up and down the hallways, her holding onto her IV pole for security. I know she's afraid of falling again. Who can blame her. We watched Ellen together. Ellen makes her laugh. Ellen, I love you for that.

When I got home, I had a surprise email from the Bellevue Literary Review telling me they received a grant and so are paying all the contributors to the Spring Issue a retroactive $100 stipend. I feel like I put on an old jacket and discovered cash in the pocket.

I also heard from my friend Janelle who's been at Cannes (because) -- and she said it's a magical place. She's already scheming of ways to move there.

Annie whisked me off to sushi. California Rolls and Sapporo are great comfort food.

I'm continuing to try to slip in research for my novel, reading Jane Bowles' letters. I'm struck by how she and Paul were married for many years but didn't live together much and had lots of (same-sex) relationships with others. And yet they were clearly very connected. Kind of like Auden and Chester Kallman. Chester, who was 14 years younger than Auden, broke Auden's heart by not being monogamous. But over the years they remained soulmates of a sort; Auden died at age 66, and Chester soon followed.

Two Very Different Kinds of News

Mom News
I tried to tell Mom today that it might be better if she came to Annie's and my house for a week or two when she's released from the care facility. (She has fallen twice since my father died March 17 and has been in the hospital and care facility for rehab for weeks now.)

All she said to me over and over was, "I want to go home. I want to go home." It broke my heart. So...I'm taking her to her house next week. I'll stay with her as long as I need to, watching over her and setting up in-home care and other systems. It's hard to even think about all this is going to take when I'm still grieving my dad ... and still grappling with all the years he was ill ... and all the changes I'm seeing in my mom physcially, mentally and emotionally.

But I just have to keep reminding myself: this isn't about me. It's about helping my mom get her life in balance. She's 74. I'm only 44. I lost my dad. She lost her spouse of 49 years. I can regain my balance more easily.

Cannes News

I'm still eagerly waiting to hear from my friend Janelle who is in Cannes with her daughter, Dina Ciraulo, who was invited to show the trailer of her film in progress, Opal. Annie and I had the pleasure of watching a day of filming last summer up in Sausalito, one of the jewels of California.

The film is based on the mysterious real-life story of Opal Whiteley. (Read more about her here.)

I hope Janelle will have some juicy celebrity sightings to share. The celebrity I would want to meet most (call me a liberal nerd) is Michael Moore! I can't wait to see the new film he's screen at Cannes, Sicko.

Give em hell, Mike.