The Web of Connection

I'm practically in a tizzy over the beauty of my book cover!
Wanderland is coming June 1. 

One of the themes of my new book is the Web of Connection we've woven as we've traveled around the world. 

We meet other travelers. And those who are rooted. We connect with friends old and new. I hadn't realized when we started living this itinerant life how many *people* would enliven our path.

We belong to a number of online traveling groups, and it's strangely wonderful to meet up in real life. For instance, two couples (Amber & Greg and Diana & Mike) happened to be in the Bay Area on our most recent visit. Our robust, chatty, online relationships easily transferred to physical presence.

with Amber & Greg, who were Bay Area housesitting
after a Christmas in Amsterdam 

Mike and Diana write about their traveling lifestyle here. 

We met another traveling couple during our Oahu housesit. Brooke is also a writer whose books I'd read. Turns out they were living a block from where we were staying! They showed us some of their favorite spots, and we talked about one of the best nomadic topics: how living in unconventional ways makes life extra juicy.

Buddy and Brooke were wonderful tour guides.

Kuli'ou'ou Beach Park at sunset...
an example of Dave's wonderful photography

Another online-to-IRL experience came when we met up with Yvonne and Michael, a nomadic couple stopping off in Oahu on their way to S.E. Asia. 

With Michael & Yvonne at the Outrigger Reef Waikiki Resort

Our Hawaii housesit came about through Nadia, a woman we met in Baja years ago. We reconnected with her and her family in Thailand--and then after she moved to Hawaii, she asked us to housesit. Talk about a web.

loved our housesit view

Also nearby on Oahu lives a high school friend I hadn't seen in nearly 40 years. We had a sweet time with Cheryl and Gene, eating meals together, going on a stunning hike, and spending a day on their boat.

Hike to the top of the pali

Kayaking, Cheryl & I gossiped about our high school days.

Captains Gene & Dave

My signature synchronized swimming move at Kaneohe San Bar

Another longtime friend, Candis, also lives on the island. One night we had dinner made with fresh produce from her garden, follow by a jam session with two mandolins, a guitar, my uke, and a stand-up bass.

Jamming

Turned out that Sarah and Jimmy, whom we'd met in Panama while they were also housesitting, were coming through Oahu! We hiked the Makapu'u Lighthouse trail and spent relaxing time at Waimanalo Beach. It was a little surreal seeing them after having just hung out in the Panamanian jungle. 

Fun with Sarah at Alan Davis beach

Jimmy

Byodo-In Temple

On our swing back through the (brrr...cold!) Bay Area enroute to Baja, we luckily were able to see old friends. 

Brunch with Kelly and Daisy

Hiking with Roger and Marilen

Ah, it felt great to be back in Baja. But I didn't get to slow down for long because I'd enrolled in the Todos Santos Writers Workshop, expressly to work with Janet Fitch, whose writing I deeply admire. (My god, if you haven't read her latest two books about the Russian revolution, do so now!) Keeping with the web-of-connection theme, my good friend Stacey knows Janet and told me what a great teacher she is--which proved to be true.

Janet Fitch and husband, the writer Andrew Nicholls

Here's what working with Janet did to my manuscript that I thought was finished:

And Janet is the one who came up with Wanderland as my title. When such a great writer who has been an Oprah pick and has sold millions of books makes such a suggestion, I listen!

And the webby theme continues: My friend Lisa, whom I hadn't seen in about thirty years, happened to attend the workshop as well. Being with her, the prism of years made me feel thirty and sixty. It was as though our hearts had been connected all this time.

On Cerritos Beach with Lisa and Andrew

Funny that I'm publishing a new book that explores the question, "What is home?" at the very time I'm starting to feel like Baja is home. We finally completed the process of becoming residents--which means we don't have to leave every 180 days. Even our blue Subaru, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, now has Baja plates.

residence card

Not that we won't be continuing to travel and weave our web. But there's something about being here this time that feels...settling. In a good way. As though nine years in, my heart knows that no matter where I go, our Mexico nest awaits.

Time to Write

Starting tomorrow, this is where I am writing my next book: In the "She Shed" on the property where we are housesitting in Northern California.

We've been on a kind of housesitting binge lately: end of the year in the Pacific Northwest, Tahoe, and Palm Springs--punctuated by visits to friends and family all over.

Palm Springs hike

And then for the 40th reunion shows of Dave's favorite band (The Radiators), we flew to New Orleans. God I love that town: the food, the music, the colorful houses, the life-is-right-here-right-now vibe.

Krazy krewe in NOLA.

When we came back to California, I had the sorrowful honor of officiating at a memorial. Thi Aracelli, daughter of my friends Daisy and Tung, didn't make it into the world. The anguish goes deep. I was grateful to be in the Bay Area to offer my love and support.

With Stephanie and Daisy, and Daisy's son Luc

In the midst of all of this, my new book of poems, Target, was released. Like my memoir, it explores heartbreak and healing--while performing the time-and-space magic of poetry.

There's even a poem about housesitting in here.

The evocative art on the cover is by my longtime friend Nancy. I was lucky to spend time with her in LA. on our recent swing through and fell in love with her new Art You Can Color book.

Coloring like the kids we were when we met.

It's been six months since we left China. And during that time we have not been in one place longer than three weeks. That's a lot, even for us nomads. Now we have two-and-a-half months in a house nestled in 41 acres. We are treating it like a retreat: time for yoga, meditation, healthy eating, hiking, studying languages (me, Spanish; Dave, German), and music (me, playing the ukulele; Dave singing along). And giving lots of love to Gracie, our golden companion.

Gracie in the house.

As I write this, I hear frogs singing in the pond, in chorus with the crickets. A mass of stars is emerging. Savory smells are drifting over from the kitchen where my love is cooking us dinner. I feel the rhythms of life shifting. I feel a book coming on.

Travel as a Family Ritual

With my dad and sisters, 1972. We are wearing sweatshirts bought when we traveled
to Long Beach, Washington,where we went clamming. This picture was taken in Yosemite.

My parents loved travel. They started traveling with us, their three daughters, from the time we were small. We did a lot of camping, first in a tent and eventually in our Prowler trailer. Dad taught us how to fish. We went crabbing in the cold Northern California waters, clamming in Washington. We took a car trip from California to North Carolina. From Southern California, we crossed the border into Mexico, wandering the markets of Tijuana, buying hand-painted marionettes and stenciled leather purses.

When my dad took a group of high school students on a "round the world" six-week tour one summer, Mom was jealous but didn't sit around moping. Instead, she took my sisters and me on our own adventure: a tour of the Gold Country, where we stayed in haunted hotels and went gold panning.

I loved spending time outside of the structured life of home and school. Traveling helped me experience a fresh spontaneity and freedom with my family--and to see that the world had so much to offer beyond the scope of suburban life. 

As life would have it, I never had kids. Would I be as well-traveled if I did? Hard to say, although I have been inspired by others. In many places Dave and I have been, we've met traveling families with kids of all ages. Some are on vacation. Some live abroad, others nomadically.

A few years ago at a writing retreat, I met Renée Dineen--and I was blown away to learn she has traveled to 48 countries with her family of four, starting when her kids were infants. Her son Braedon is now 12, and her daughter Raegan is now 10. As the title of her blog—Travel Moments with Kids—proclaims, traveling as a family is not only doable but immensely rewarding. As a fellow travelling writer, I wanted to feature her on my blog so I asked her a few questions. 

Renee and her family in the redwoods of Northern California

When did your love of travel first blossom?

My husband Sean and I started traveling early in our relationship. Before kids, and for a short while after our son was born, we did what we called Mystery Weekends, short holidays planned by one of us. The location was kept secret until we arrived at the airport or headed out on our drive. After our son was born, we continued to travel but slightly less spontaneously, though by the time he was two, he had clocked over twenty airplane trips across the US, a week in Paris and a five-week holiday in Italy.

In 2010 we moved to Switzerland for work, providing a whole new level access and exciting places to explore. Our time in Europe deepened our bonds as a family. Travel was no longer a hobby but a unifying custom—an established practice we knew would accompany our lives as a family forever.

Halong Bay, Viet Nam

What inspired your travel blog Travel Moments with Kids?

People often ask me how I became such an evangelist for traveling with my family, and how those experiences landed me in the blogging world.

Returning from the US in the summer of 2014, I didn’t want to forget a moment, more importantly the possible meaning of those moments.  Most of these moments, imaginably all of them, were unplanned. In this way, traveling as a family has not been a means to an end but a series of spontaneous and meaningful moments that has shaped my family. It has shaped us as individuals, spouses, siblings and parents. 

So in December 2014, I began to capture what I’ve come to refer to as moments. Each moment is explored in one blog entry. A moment is not just the description of an experience but an exploration of what makes it a time of deep knowing and discovery.

The inspiration to put these writings into the world is about shedding light on the topic of family travel, a decision that undeniably opens up different doors to the world—a world that even those who don’t travel have a deep desire to understand. 

To write the blog has been a personal practice of mindfulness, a way to remember the awareness I held during each precious moment.  I also applaud myself and my family—and forgive us for our mistakes. 

Paros, Greece

You make it look easy. Is it?

Parenting is hard no matter what. Many people hold beliefs that traveling with kids makes it that much more difficult, exhausting, and not worth the time or effort—validated further by our own bad experiences with our parents or a failed first attempt with our own kids.  These reasons are often focused on concerns about safety, unpredictability and personal discomfort—all presumably resulting in more work.

For me, the "work" of parenting is not much different at home than it is elsewhere. The topics and content of the day may be, but not the heart of parenting—the harder work.

What also continues to be a motivation to travel is that while traveling, we are more focused on each other and on us as a family. Because of this we actually find that we need this time together. And so the next trip planning begins!

Athens, Greece

What is your biggest discovery about family travel so far?

Obviously there are a lot of travel specific tips and advice we have learned: like how to research new locations, pack more efficiently, and the best websites for travel deals.  However, these are not the most important things I wish to share.

If we choose to expose our kids to a bigger world—one full of cultures, traditions and practices that differ from our own—we loosen, we expand. We see that there is not just one way to parent. There is not one best way to travel the unpredictable, ambiguous new worlds we enter. And we can’t figure out any of this alone! We learn it on the journey of connecting to people and cultures. Travel reminds me of this every time. The world has become a teacher for all of us.

Lake Lugano, Italy

What do you hope happens as a result of traveling with your kids?

I can’t predict the specific impact our travels will have on my kids, and I’ve come to realize that I don’t need to. What I do know is that who they are, how they see the world, what they understand about Sean and me and us as a family unit will be greatly affected by each place they visit. Travel changes lives.

What else do you want your followers to know?

I hope that Travel Moments with Kids might somehow inspire  parents to expand the borders of their lives as a family and as individuals in this world—a world in which we are all ultimately striving to be happy, healthy, developing people who leave this life having lived on purpose. 

If you’d like to contact Renee, you can email her at renee@travelmomentswithkids.com. Her travel moments and more about her story can be found at: www.travelmomentswithkids.com

What if Your Life Ruins Your Book?

Definition of irony:

You write a novel based on the story of how you met your wife, the first woman you ever loved.

When the novel is released, you and said wife are in the midst of a divorce after 15 years together. And not one of those civilized divorces that people claim exist, but one of the cheating-screaming-lying-Imma-lock-you-outta-the-house-Imma-sue-you-Imma-kill-myself divorces.

I can write a funny sentence about it now...but at the time it was as excruciating as it gets. And ultimately, as transformative as it gets.

Yes, I'm an example of the worst thing that ever happened to me becoming the best thing that ever happened to me...but damn that shit was painful.

And in the midst of it, my novel Complementary Colors, which had been two years in the making, was released by a small press.

I sat like an earthquake survivor in the midst of the ruins, this novel in my hands that fictionally portrayed my destroyed relationship as an exquisite encounter between soul mates.

How could I promote this book that now felt like a big lie? Even though it was fiction, it was so close to the bone my skeleton ached. How could I stand in front of people--quivering, manic mess that I was--and read a love scene based on the woman who broke my heart?

The newer edition of this one features
a photo taken by my husband, Dave.

When my first novel, For the May Queen, was released, I did radio programs, interviews, readings--resulting in lots of sales, reviews on Amazon and Goodreads, and emails from readers. I just didn't have the heart to do anything for Complementary Colors...and while it found its way into a few readers' hands, it mostly limped off into oblivion. A few years later, the small press folded and the book went out of print.

Last year when I was teaching in China, my colleague Paul and I starting meeting every week at Starbucks to share our writing. He did something no one else has done, to my knowledge: ordered my books (my memoir, both novels, my poetry collection, my book about teachers) and read them all. He loved Complementary Colors and encourage me to republish it.

Friends in China. Paul's in the back with his arms up.

At first I balked. But then I re-read it. And it felt good. It was the kind of book I like to read. It's about a transformative time in the life of a woman. It's about art and poetry and sex and love.

I don't feel anymore that the book is a lie. It is emotionally true. And emotional truth is timeless, not dependent on "the way things turned out." The book portrays a moment in the life of a woman who is and is-not me. And I'm proud of us both in our fallible humanness...and our ability to transform.

When I was in the pit of despair during that breakup, my friends and family gave me so much love and support. And such is true in the re-releasing of this novel. Jan McCutcheon of Coyote Creek Books took on the project whole-heartedly. The gorgeous new cover art is courtesy of my best friend from high school, Nancy Larrew (of Blue Five Productions). Without Paul Mullen (author of curse this blue raincoat), this novel would not have been given a second chance.

And I am deeply grateful to my husband, Dave Rhine. He never once said I should put this story behind me. Instead, he knows that without my life stories, I would not be who I am now--the woman journeying through life and the world with him.


(Complementary Colors is available here.)

Dreaming about a Writing Retreat?

 

Dream writing spot

I've always dreamed of teaching at an exotic writing retreat. But for some reason my dream wasn't coming true by just sitting around waiting for someone to offer me free round-trip tickets to teach in Bora Bora.

Then I met writer and charismatic Renaissance man Brian Gruber, who happens to live in one of the most beautiful places I've been: the Thai island of Koh Phangan. Brian's the kind of guy who does crazy shit like travelling to Afghanistan, Iraq, Nicaragua (and other locales) without a predetermined itinerary or lodging, serendipitously finding places to stay and people to interview regarding how they feel about the U.S.'s military interventions in their countries. Such brazen actions led to his most recent book, WAR: The Afterparty.

Turned out he, too, had thoughts of running writing retreats--and after a few chats over meals, we set the wheels in motion.

Retreat Hosts

We decided to call it "Write Your Story in Paradise." Yes, "paradise" is a well-worn trope for tropical places, but in this case, it really fits. Check out this drone footage of the island:

Brian was able to score The Sanctuary, the best resort on the island. Think upscale bohemian with private beach, beautiful and unique accommodations, great food, yoga, meditation, and spa.

Lodging includes beautiful outdoor spaces.

And, incredibly, he was able to talk The Sanctuary into offering people 3 extra free nights if they sign up by June 15. That means, writers can arrive September 6 and just enjoy the resort until the workshops begin September 9-15.




Approaching The Sanctuary.

It was important to both of us that the experience be empowering, even transformational. As highlighted in our title ("Tell Your Story in Paradise"), Toni Morrison's words were our guide:

"If there's a book that you want to read but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it."

We also wanted novice and experienced writers to be welcome. Fortunately, that's my wheelhouse. For years I've been teaching writing in university classes and workshops to diverse groups with all levels of experience, age, and backgrounds. I developed a program intended to inspire and instruct. Topics include:

* How to Believe in Your Writing
* Writing & the Unconscious
* Read Like a Writer
* Best Openings & Characterization
* Setting & Point of View
* Scene & Summary
* How to Keep Going

We're also offering 1:1 manuscript consulting, Reading Circles (where writers can share what they are working on), and plenty of time for reflection and discussion. Writers will also have lots of time to write. 

 

The Sanctuary restaurant

Developing this retreat has stretched me. I didn't know I was capable of creating such an experience. In fact, as much as I talked about wanting to do it, I think I feared dealing with the logistics and minutiae. Having great partners in Brian and Dave (who is a marvelous consultant on the project) makes all the difference.

But this is the most important thing: Saying yes, jumping off the cliff, and knowing that my wings will unfold. I've been learning that over and over again in our nomadic life. My brain surgery taught me that, too. And now I'm seeing this approach to life can work with other dreams as well.
 

Dave in the heavenly waters of Koh Phangan.

For more information about the retreat, check out our Facebook page or my website.

 

L.A. and the Mysteries

We've been to L.A. a lot. But not this L.A.

 

For almost a month now, we've enjoyed a housesit in Rancho Palos Verdes, a suburb in the hills above the Pacific. The house is on a bluff overlooking the ocean.

Amazing sunsets every night.

Usually when we come to So Cal we stay with friends and hang out in their neighborhoods. But on a housesit last year in West Hollywood, and this one, we've been able to explore pockets of L.A. we barely knew existed. And our friends have been coming to us.

Dave and Debbi hiking down the nearby coastal trail.



Brent and Jude jamming.

The Canon family, with smiley Miles.

Biking Santa Monica with the Kostenuiks, who met us half-way.

 

 In addition to hanging out with Kozmo and Kalvin...

  ...we've done a lot of outdoor stuff.

R.A.T. Beach (Right After Torrance)

We enjoyed a day at R.A.T. beach. We loved hiking down the steep cliffs to Abalone Cove (an ecological reserve), where at low tide you can check out tide pools. Several times we hiked the ocean trails near Trump National Golf Course, where public access to the bluffs has been preserved. And we rode our bikes along the strand from Redondo Beach to El Segundo--a wonderful multi-use path that takes you along the ocean for miles. We fell in love with Hermosa Beach and Manhattan Beach, two communities with seaside charm.

The Strand

Yesterday added an exclamation point to the sentence, "September was a great month!" My best friend since high school threw me an incredible book reading, a celebration of Call It Wonder. The turnout was fantastic, and the audience very engaged.



Shadowed by a picture of Nancy and me taken 35 years ago (with Norma).

 That was my first of other upcoming events, including:

* Reading at Columbia College, Sonora, CA on Friday, Oct. 16, 3:30 p.m.
* Reading at Sonora Joe's, Sonora, CA on Friday, Oct. 16, 7 p.m.
* Workshop at Tuolumne County Arts Alliance on Saturday, Oct. 17, 9-12 p.m.
* Reading at San Jose State on Thursday, Nov. 12, 7 p.m.

The title of the workshop is "How to Believe in Your Writing." I feel like, at age 52, I'm finally getting a handle on this--deeply knowing and appreciating that I am a creative creature who has every right to create what I want and get it out there how I want, no apologies or explanations. We all have this right.

Who knows where this crazy desire to make stuff comes from? It's one of the big mysteries. As we leave L.A. for our next adventure (three months all over Northern California), I have a familiar feeling of impermanence welling up inside, my pulse on another deeply mysterious truth: Life is change.