Monday, April 28, 2008

New poem (revised again)

(I've been tweaking and tweaking...)


Lowering into the water, the kind
you can’t feel your skin in,

I slide above the spiny, slippery
reef. Tepid embryonic fluid, it’s

the moment of take-off,
the moment of flight and hover.

Silver and turquoise darters turn
to Escheresque camouflage. My lungs

are snorkel-submerged, my breaths
embedded in my skin. I’ve melted

into the world’s belly. Is this what
dying is? What is that clicking,

that sunken squealing? That pulse
of shadow, of gray that grows and grows

to fleshy bodies book-ending me?
They are soft granite. A tomb expunging

thought and being. They obliterate
the soul, or the need for one.

--Kate Evans


Collin Kelley said...

Some lovely imagery here, Kate!

Isaiah Vianese said...

I've loved watching this poem evolve in your post. You've made excellent editing choices, I must say. Now the poem feels cleaner, and your strong images and reflections really stand out more so than before. A great read--thank you for sharing.

Kate Evans said...

Cool, thanks Isaiah! It's funny how much of writing is revising. I enjoy the process immensely.

Collin Kelley said...

Yes, it's cleaner, but somehow I want more dolphin imagery sooner. Since there are eight of them bookending you, they seem a bit shortchanged in the final couple of stanzas. I've never swam with dolphins (fed one once), but I can imagine being surrounded by eight of them is absolutely thrilling.

Lisa Nanette Allender said...

I agree with Coll..more dolphin imagery, soooner...
My DREAM(okay, ONE of them!) is to go to that Key West Dolphin Research Facility and swim with the dolphins there(who are FREE to come & go as they please--they keep returning because they are fed well, etc...). I want to swim for a long time with at least one, though most folks there only get about twenty minutes or so. It seems the dolphins "let you know" when they tire of you!

Kate Evans said...

Thanks Collin & Lisa. Great feedback--I'm sure I'll spend more time on it soon.

Lisa, it was an incredible thing that I was in a beautiful bay on the big island of Hawaii and these dolphins just came up and joined me. I hear that doesn't happen too often, and it was myf rist time in that bay.